I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
