God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
