I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
