Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
