just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
you made out with another girl for some wings
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
