dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
