I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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