Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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