Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
