Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
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