I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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