we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
