Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
