Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
