there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
