Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
