she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
