Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
