Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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