I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
