That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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