Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
