i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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