As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
