I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
