It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
