I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
