I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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