dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
