Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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