This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
