I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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