quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
