it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
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