Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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