was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
