Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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