Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
