ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
