What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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