I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
