I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Randomize
