new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
there is glitter all over my balls
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