we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
