he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i out mim tonsoeep
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