Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
