Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
