is your mom at the bar?
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
