there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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