The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
