and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
