I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
