non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
